When I found out at E3 last year thatRhythm Heavenwas actually coming to the US, I couldn’t have been happier.Wii Musicmay have been bland and forgettable, but I could forgive Nintendo for that, because bringing us one of the quirkiest, most non-American rhythm-action games more than makes up for it.
That’s how I felt at first. Then I thought about the fact that NoA would have to actuallytranslate the game’s lyrics into English, and I got worried. Much of the game’s charm comes from its passionately sung, yet wholly ridiculous pop songs, and screwing them up could be almost game-breaking.
Rhythm Heaven‘s street date has been broken, and videos of the game’s newly translated songs are already hitting YouTube. Topher Cantler and I are here to chime in on topic. Hit the jump for our discussion, as well as video ofRhythm Heaven‘s new English vocals in action.
[ViaGoNintendo]
Jonathan Holmes:
When I importedRhythm Tengoku Gold(Rhythm Heaven‘s Japanese name) just before E3 08, I felt sort of stupid afterward, knowing that the game would later be available everywhere for about half the price of the import. Now I don’t feel stupid.
Topher Cantler:
I don’t feel stupid for importing it, either. In fact, I don’t feel much of anything at the moment but angry. This dub might be the worst thing I’ve ever heard.
I will accept this as punishment for the sins of mankind. That’s all I can come up with. It’s so unfathomably horrid that I don’t believe Nintendo could have produced such a perfect form of torture on their own. They’ve enlisted the help of demons or something.
Jonathan:
I think that’s a natural reaction, especially on first listen. After watching the video a few more times, though, I actually don’t think the frogs sound too bad. At least they still seem into it. Those female vocals, though — what the hell happened? They almost sound drugged. How could you sound that bored and dispassionate when singing for a game that will likely be played/heard by millions of people? Are these girls even professional singers? They sound like ass!
When I first heard that Beyoncé was involved with promotingRhythm Heaven, I was worried that all of the game’s English vocals would end up being too showy, too R&B. Now I’m actually wishing they got Beyoncé to sing on this game. At least she’s got spunk.
Topher:
Beyoncé would have at least beenlistenable. Hell, I’d take Bea Arthur’s rendition of the Window Girls song over the crap I’m hearing in that video.
Admittedly, the frogs don’t trigger instantaneous and explosive vomiting the way the other dubs do. But still, why did that need to be changed? Half of this game’s appeal is its quirky Japanese soul, and that’s been ripped out of it. I understand that they want to appeal to an American audience with this, but did they really need to change the music? There was a great opportunity here to introduce the broader demographic to something wonderful, and they blew it.
It’s like wanting to bring sushi to American foodies for the first time. Sushi is great the way it is, because it’s Japanese and the eastern flavors are what make it sushi. This is like removing the yellowtail and avocado and replacing it with bits of hot dog and Twinkie to make it “more suitable” for American taste buds. Lots of people are going to try that and think, “Man, sushi is disgusting,” when they might have really liked the “un-fucked-with” fish version in the first place.
